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Discipline Dilemmas 家里有本难念的育儿经

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繁體中文譯本

If you’re a parent, you’ve likely been there, done that and hope not to go there again  如果你本身就是家长，可能早就是过来人了，而且根本就不想再重蹈覆辙

A constant challenge facing parents is figuring out the best way to discipline their children. A third of parents don’t think their methods of discipline are working very well, according to a study of 2,134 parents with children ages 2 to 11 in Canada, Puerto Rico and 32 states in the U.S.

家长经常必须面对的挑战，就是必须绞尽脑汁想出教养子女的最佳方式。据一项研究指出，有三分之一的家长认为自己教养子女的方式成效不大。这项研究针对美国三十二州、波多黎各和加拿大等地共两千一百三十四位家长进行调查，而受访家庭的子女年龄均介于两岁至十一岁之间。

“I think if most parents are honest, the numbers would be even higher than that,” says the study’s author, Dr. Shari Barkin.

「我认为，如果大多数受访家长都很诚实的话，那么家长坦承管教无方的比率，将不只是三分之一而已，而是会更高才对，」研究作者雪瑞．巴肯博士表示。

Barkin says she conducted the study to help parents and others who raise children do so more effectively. Discipline is an area where parents need and want a lot of help but get little.

巴肯指出，她之所以执行这项研究的目的，是为了要助家长及相关人士一臂之力，希望能促使他们用更有效率的方式来养育子女。她表示，教养子女是家长亟需大量协助的一个领域，只可惜以往他们所能得到的帮助并不多。

Clinical psychologist Eric Herman says the greatest difficulty results because parents wait too late before trying to establish discipline. As soon as there is a problem, address it, he says.

临床心理师艾立克．赫曼表示，家长之所以会在管教子女时遭遇极大的困难，是因为等到他们想开始管教子女时，已经为时太晚了。他指出，正确的方式是，一有问题出现，就该立刻处理才对。

“If you let a problem go on, when you try to discipline a child it may get worse initially. But stick with it and be consistent.”

「如果你让问题持续下去而没有采取行动，那么等到以后你再想管教子女时，起初可能问题反而会恶化，不过，只要坚持下去，始终如一，就会收效，」他指出。

He also says it’s important that the parents agree on the approaches to discipline.

他也表示，对于管教子女的方式，父母双方的态度必须一致，也很重要。

Smile  管教子女的口诀：ＳＭＩＬＥ

Parent educator Su Porter outlines a strategy that uses the acronym SMILE:

亲职教育者苏．波特以英文缩写字SMILE来扼要地描述管教子女的策略：

Say it without rage.  Ｓ代表英文的say，即不带怒气地告诉子女。

Model appropriate behavior.  Ｍ代表 model，即以身作则。

Involveeveryone (parents, children, caregivers.)  Ｉ代表 involve，即集结众人的力量（包括家长、子女和照料者）。

Listen as much as you talk.  Ｌ代表 listen，口头上的教导和倾听并重。

Encourage because praise for good behavior is more effective than criticism.  Ｅ代表 encourage，因为对子女的良好行为加以赞美，会远比批评更有效。

Techniques for effective discipline  有效管教子女的技巧

Work toward consistency. Try to make sure that your goals, rules and approaches to stay the same from day to day. Children find frequent changes confusing and may resort to testing limits just to find out what the limits are.

教养子女应保持一贯的态度，始终如一。管教子女时，你的目标、规定和方式每天都应保持符合一致，如果经常朝令夕改，就可能会令孩子感到困惑不已，并起而以身试法，为的是想测试看看你所能容忍的极限有多大。

Pay attention to your child’s feelings. If you can figure out why your child is misbehaving, you are one step closer to solving the problem.

应关心子女的感受。如果你能推测出子女之所以行为不当的原因，就等于是朝向解决问题迈进一大步了。

单词发音

More Information

dilemma [dəˋlɛmə] n. 困境，进退两难

result [rɪˋzʌlt] v. 发生，产生

outline [ˋaʊt͵laɪn] v. 概述，略述

model [ˋmɑd!] v. 做…的模范(榜样)

resort [rɪˋzɔrt] v. 诉诸，凭借，求助[（+to）]; 经常去[（+to）]

misbehave [͵mɪsbɪˋhev] v. 行为不礼貌；行为不端；作弊

课文朗读

课文讲解

It often helps to let your child know that you understand. For example, “I know you are feeling sad that your friend is leaving, but you still have to pick up your toys.”

让孩子知道，你了解他们的感受，往往也会有帮助。举例来说，你可以说「我了解，你因为朋友要走了，而感到很难过，可是你还是得收拾玩具才行啊。」

Learn to see mistakes as opportunities to learn. If you do not handle a situation well, don’t despair. Figure out what you could have done differently, and do it the next time. If you feel you have made a real mistake in the heat of the moment, wait to cool down, apologize to your child and explain how you will handle the situation in the future.

要试着把错误视为学习的契机。即使你并没有适当处理某个情况，也不要失去信心，想出下次能作何改变，下回改进就好了。如果你发觉自己在一气之下铸成大错，不妨先让自己冷静下来，然后向孩子道歉，并且要解释你未来会如何处理类似情况。

Avoiding trouble  避免麻烦滋生

Avoid power struggles whenever possible. Instead, address only those issues that truly are important to you.

应尽量避免和孩子之间发生权力斗争的情况，只要针对那些对你而言最重要的议题来处理即可。

Offer choices whenever possible. By giving choices, you can set limits and still allow your child some independence.

尽可能让孩子有很多选择的机会，藉由提供多种选择的方式，你就能在设定界限的同时，也让孩子拥有自主的空间。

Make a game out of good behavior. Your child is more likely to do what you want if you make it fun. For example, you might say, “Let’s have a race and see who can put his coat on first.”

想培养孩子行为合宜，不妨透过游戏的方式来进行。如果你能把守规矩变得很有趣，那么孩子就更有可能听你的话。举例来说，你可以说，：「我们来比赛，看谁可以最先把外套穿好。」

Plan ahead. If you know that certain circumstances always cause trouble, such as a trip to the store, discuss with your child ahead of time what behavior is acceptable and what the consequences will be if he does not obey. Try to plan the shopping trip for a time when your child is well rested and well fed, and take along a small toy to amuse your child if he gets bored.

应事先作好计划。如果你早就知道，孩子在某些情况总是会惹麻烦，例如每次去店里购物就会发生事情，那么就该事先和孩子商量，哪些行为是可以接受的，而如果孩子不听话，就必须接受哪些后果。去店里购物的时机，应事先计划好，选个孩子睡眠充足、肚子也饱的好时机，并带个小玩具同行，好让孩子在无聊时有东西可以打发。

Praise good behavior. Whenever your child remembers to follow the rules, offer encouragement about how well he did. You do not need an elaborate system of rewards. You can simply say, “Thank you for coming right away,” and hug your child.

对良好的行为应加以赞美。每当孩子记得守规矩时，就应鼓励他做得很棒。不需要设定很复杂的奖励方式，比如，只要说：「我一叫你，你马上就来了，谢谢你，」然后拥抱孩子即可。

－by Cassandra Spratling

单词发音

More Information

despair [dɪˋspɛr] v. 绝望，丧失信心

take along 携带; 带着

单词发音

Vocabulary Focus

been there, done that 经历过了 a commonly used expression that means you have experienced something to the point of boredom

acronym [ˋækrənɪm] n. 首字母缩略字 an abbreviation consisting of the first letters of each word in the name of something, pronounced as a word

resort to (something)  依靠, 求助于, 诉诸于  to do something that you do not want to do because you cannot find any other way of achieving something

in the heat of the moment 在(一时)盛怒(或激动、心烦意乱)中 to say or do something without thinking because you are angry or excited

cool down 平静下来; 缓和 to become calmer

power struggle 权力争夺 a fierce or unpleasant competition for power

elaborate [ɪˋlæbə͵ret] adj. 精心制作的；精巧的；详尽的 containing a lot of careful detail or many detailed parts

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